We all want that special someone who loves us exactly as we are, who would give their heart and soul for us. True love starts within. Truth is, there is no one “out there” who can give us what we need “in here.”
If you desire to attract your ideal mate or you want to take your current relationship to the next level, start by truly loving yourself. What does that mean?
Take time out to do the things that make you feel good. Get to the gym, take a walk, train your dog, golf with your friends, practice yoga or meditation, enjoy some of your favorite music, teach or take a painting class, read a good book. It’s so important to do activities which feed your soul, fill your cup, so you have something to share with your significant other.
Too often, we expect our partner to be our “everything”…to fulfill our every need, to spend every second with us, to do tasks we tell them to or expect them to, and when they don’t or can’t, we feel frustrated, empty and resentful. This is why relationships fail. Because, this is not love…this is called “co-dependence.”
Take time each day to acknowledge your partner! Focus on what makes your partner special to you. Notice the little things they do, that you are grateful for. Maybe the way her hair looks pretty today, or that she made you lunch, or smiled at you. Perhaps, that he took the garbage out without being asked, or got your car washed for you. It’s so easy to be complacent in a relationship. It takes a little effort to make it last, to make it special, but not that much, and it’s well worth the effort.
Creating a feeling of gratitude is so powerful. When you are dedicated to appreciating little things, your energy towards another changes and they feel it and typically will respond positively as well.
Avoid criticism. Accept your partner for who and how they are, not how you want them to be. Everyone’s doing the best they can. We all make mistakes and have certain patterns of behavior. Love them for who they are. Trying to change someone is fruitless, hurtful and completely counterproductive! If you feel you need to change your partner, they’re probably not the right person for you. All we can do is change ourselves.
At ALL costs: Avoid getting defensive about anything or criticizing. Getting defensive is about you and your ego. Learn how to take a deep breath and be with your thoughts and feelings. No one can “push your buttons” without your permission. You are responsible for your own reactions and behaviors.
If you’re having trouble in this area, Hypnosis and Coaching may help. Working on yourself, being the best person you can be, is key!
Do something sweet and unexpected once per day or at least once a week. Surprise your partner with a little token you saw in a gift store which made you think of them, hang that picture on the wall, plant some flowers, clean up the yard, cook an amazing dinner, get their car washed for them, bring them coffee in bed.
At least once per week, plan a romantic walk (no kids), a bike ride or something he/she wants to do. Hold hands, stop what you’re doing and passionately or gently kiss your partner. When your partner speaks, stop what you’re doing, sit down, look deep in her/his eyes and listen, really listen. It’s not necessary to spend a lot of money to make romance or even Valentine’s Day special.
If some behavior of yours really bothers your partner and you can avoid the behavior, then stop doing it. If she likes the toilet seat down, then make the effort to keep it down. If he can’t stand when you leave your makeup all over the counter, perhaps you could put it away. It’s not that hard. Resentment can build over stupid little things and kill the romance. Nothing kills intimacy like resentment!
It’s amazing how a little can go a long way to an amazing life together!
Something I learned a long time ago and it’s an Important tip, I want to share with you! This is the secret to finding and keeping your love, your ideal mate:
Sharing our life with someone is just that—sharing. We are not each other’s entire life. Our life and happiness is our own. When we are truly happy and self-fulfilled, our confidence in ourselves soars and is very attractive. Have your own interests in addition to the ones you have together. We bring so much to the relationship and we have much to share and enjoy with each other. This is true love. True Love, begins within you!
Have a Fantastic Valentine’s Day. Make Every Month a Celebration of Love!
©2018 Evelyn Wang